When Brilliance Backfires: The Quick Pee

April 12, 2010 at 5:24 am | Posted in Giggles, Lollipop | 25 Comments

It was a moment of Mommy Desperation.

We were at the park. Giggles was munching pretzels. Lollipop had to pee. There was a bathroom. But.

It was stinky. And dark. Bugs and germs lurked. I imagined Giggles caressing the silver toilet bowl and then stuffing seven pretzels and a tribe of paramecia into his mouth while I tried to get Lollipop on the seat without aforementioned tribe bedding down in the layers of her Sleeping Beauty dress. No. Thanks.

My Big Idea
Instead, I said, “This potty is broken. Let’s just find a tree and have a quick pee.” To avoid tantrums and tears over ye gads! something new! I tried to make it sound fun. Like a tea party. (Pee party?)

She went for it. We ducked behind a big oak and I hiked up the pink tulle. She squatted, did her thing, headed back to the swings. Giggles, oblivious, munched paramecium-free pretzels. I felt pretty smart.

Flash forward to last week.

Gone in 60 Seconds
We were playing in the backyard (because I am a good mom). Giggles and I ran inside to get a tissue while Lollipop collected berries and mulch in a bucket. We were gone no more than a minute. I swear it.

Upon our return, Lollipop grinned at us. “I had a quick pee, Mommy.”

Say what?

“I had a quick pee.”

Um. All right. I felt her pants, shoes, socks for wetness. None. I shrugged, figured she was just remembering our little park adventure from the previous week.

Found in 60 Seconds
Then Giggles threw a tantrum. A banshee-shrieking, grass-writhing, shoe-tossing fit because Lollipop had the green bucket. The green one!! I spoke to him gently, took hold of his arm, tried to pull him close. And noticed his wet sleeve.

Um. All right. “Lollipop, did you say you took a quick pee in the yard?” I asked. She nodded, grinned, proud.

“Where?” I asked. She pointed. “Giggles is on my pee.” Of course he is.

The whole backyard. She pees. He pitches a fit. Same. Spot.

Next time, we’ll just invite the paramecia tribe over for pretzels and party games. Bobbing for Charmin, anyone?

Ever had a “brilliant” parenting moment backfire on you? Thoughts on “communing” with nature?

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25 Comments »

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  1. Ah, the joys of explaining why there are different rules for different places…
    My son once jumped out of the pool at the swimclub and peed in the flowers. The lifegard went ballistic. He was 3. They sent the manager over to talk to me but I was (discreetly) nursing the baby and he got out of there fast. God, they acted like he was going to grow up to be some creepy freak. Which at 22, he has not. But he doesn’t pee in public (that I know of)these days.

  2. I’m lauging, with you of course, by I’m laughing. I’m delighted with this story. Our children always find the flaws in our plans don’t they? Maybe not immediately, but at some point, they always find a way to remind why maybe something didn’t work as we expected.

    Also, I know my life has been full of these kind of moments? Why can’t I think of one now?

  3. I’m all for the quick pee for the under-four brigade. But then, I have boys. Sooo much easier for public peeing. But Mr3 is foiling my plans. He gets stagefright unless he’s in a bathroom. Stage fright. So much for the quick pee…

  4. This is hilarious, and I can so relate. Little Miss has rolled around where my dog chose to pee on, and I realized that after I felt the damp spot on her pants. Fun.

    Hey at least we can laugh about it.

    • I forgot to mention that I find it funny that both our posts today are pee-related.

      • We’re both “pee brains” today! =>

  5. Oh, children bring so much joy. The most “backfire” I get is when I tell my son something and he uses it against me. Like when I said, “No yelling.” And he said, “You yell at me.” I said “No, I talk firmly.” So he replied that he was talking firmly, too. Touche.

  6. Yeah, my boys used to do that…I can only imagine what the neighbors thought if they saw them!

  7. There is brilliance in the quick pee!! Because, you see, urine is sterile. Bugs and fecal matter are not. So you did the right thing at the park! You did!

    But I’m giggling about the back yard!

  8. Lollipop got extra mileage out of this one since at some later point she asked Daddy if she could go take a “quick pee”. Me not knowing what a quick pee was, I say, um, okay. Won’t do that again!

  9. Oh, of course, the same spot!

  10. Of course! Where else would she pee?

  11. Sadly. Only ALL the time. I have had SO many ideas backfire on me. :) Your post about getting outside reminds me of a summer a few years ago. I was pregnant with my twins and the sun literally made me sick. I felt terrible b/c I never took my other 3 kids outside. I’m pretty sure they don’t remember though and won’t hold me liable. :)

  12. Love this, Stacia. Love it. A funny moment. Something that would totally happen in my world. I’d hear the truth, roll my eyes, and head inside for some wipes or grab for the garden hose after stripping the little smelly, tantrummed child down. It really is amazing the kind of stuff we have to put up with in a day. Once my oldest turned like 6 I decided I was DONE hearing about his bathroom needs. I look at him and say “I don’t want to know” as nicely as I can.
    :) Thanks for the chuckle.

  13. I haven’t come up with any parenting techniques brilliant enough yet to have one backfire on me, but my son does like to follow the dog around the yard and squat down when she does, pretending to, as he puts it, “poop and pee like a pug”. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he realizes that he doesn’t have to pretend…

  14. This is hysterical. And adorable. And perfect kid logic! Got a good laugh out of this one. (Hope you don’t mind.) :)

  15. Oh it just had to happen didn’t it? Yesterday’s brilliant idea becomes today’s disaster! So funny, great post. Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your lovely comments too.

  16. I cannot tell you how many times one of my seemingly brilliant ideas has been foiled by a loophole found by one of the kids :)
    But it always makes for a good blog post!
    Too funny!

  17. How absolutely adorable! And a similar scenario happened to my husband. Translating peeing while camping to peeing while playing in the “woods” (six trees in the backyard) in full view of the neighbors having a bar-b-que.

    • Hopefully not “those” neighbors (the potential Witness Protection ones)! =>

  18. I love how quickly she assumed the cool, casual “quick pee.”
    This is actually phase 1 of my potty-training strategy for Jack. Housetraining first; then we’ll move on to the toilet.
    Ninety percent of my brilliant ideas backfire when he turns them – invariably – into a hammer.

  19. It was such a brilliant idea, too!!

    My husband thought it was entertaining to teach Emily to throw things down. Naturally she now enjoys throwing everything from things she isn’t supposed to have (like our camera) to her food. It really drives me batty.

  20. Rose squatted on a thorny rose bush yesterday. Ouch!

  21. Hysterical. My son strips down to bare-nakedness and takes a whiz in the front yard, “because the baffroom is too faw away”. Thanks for visiting so long ago–glad to have you!

  22. [...] cursed the automation age and carried him outside, where I hoped I could convince him to take a quick pee. But our endless days of brutal August heat had fried the grass. Giggles deemed it too crispy to [...]


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