Life Lines

October 23, 2012 at 1:14 am | Posted in Family, Me | 14 Comments
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This mother just buried her son. This mother is dead. This one is losing a friend.

And I’m sitting here on my couch. Our old terrier is dreaming of squirrels and lunch meat beside me. I can hear my boys thundering through the backyard. The late afternoon sun beats down on the Yaupon holly, its red berries an anomaly of our hot, sticky autumn.

I have work to do. I’m tired. I have a kindergartner to pick up in 11 minutes.

 

I don’t care. Because all I can do is sit here, now, and soak up the sensations of my small life. My small, exhausting, hectic, happy, finite life.

Wouldn’t they have given anything for one more moment?

One more moment to smooth sweaty hair from a rosy-cheeked child. To wash and fold the silky threads of a beloved woobie. To stare into the pantry and magic something together from the cans and boxes inside. To run the vacuum, to run to the grocery store, to run out of patience. To laugh and love and live.

Why do I get the privilege of this moment? Of more moments? I feel certain I haven’t earned it. I’m always wishing for more energy and less noise, more manners and less mess, more time and less chaos. More. Less. Different.

I never think, This moment is enough.

This noise is enough.

This mess is enough. 

This chaos is enough.

This life is enough.

But today, the errands, the lists, the laundry — the ordinary — feel like a blessing. And I realize that I have the responsibility of savoring every moment in this life.

This small, exhausting, hectic, happy, finite life. No more, no less, no different.

What adjectives would you use to describe your life? How do you remember to appreciate it? How would you live differently if you knew when it would end?

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14 Comments »

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  1. I clicked on and read the first link and then needed to stop, at least for now. I’ve been thinking about all this so much recently, between my colleague’s sudden death, my accident and my mom’s cancer scare. I never appreciated what I had enough, but the succession of wake up calls this fall has done it big time. There is amazing peace I feel now – instead of complaining about work I am just taking things as they come; instead of postponing discipline and cleaning until tomorrow I’m doing things today. And I’m kinder to my mother now, and listening to her for the first time.

    Thanks so much for this, Stacia. It’s beautiful.

  2. Gorgeous.

    I don’t spend enough time loving this little messy exhausting too much and not enough life. but in a slow inhale, I appreciate it.

  3. Wow. Sure makes you want to make each day matter… in whatever little way you can find.
    xo

  4. What amazing timing!!! I honestly stand in awe!!! I cleaned all morning and thought about this exact same thing as I went through piles of laundry that I cleaned and toys I sorted to be able to vaccuum, etc. all while David was in and out taking out what I put in. I honestly looked at it differently today though and was sooo happy to have him here tagging behind me and wanting to help in his own way!!! I thought about 2 years from now when it will be quiet here at home during the day and wondered what I would be doing with my thoughts and time. I also thought of you today :-). I am not sure what brought it on, but I thought of you and your writings like this and your gentle honest reminders of how tough and absolutely wonderful it is to be a mom all at the same time!!! Thank you!!! Thank you for your sweet gentle spirit!!! Thank you for being you and sharing a part of you!!!

  5. Deb Bryan sent me over … I’m very happy she did. ♥

    We do sometimes need a reminder that what we have is enough … so much more than what some others, just as worthy as we, have been afforded.

  6. What a beautiful reminder for us to appreciate what’s in front of us, even if they aren’t perfect. It’s ours, and the fact that we have this moment to enjoy them is more than most people have. Yet we continue to pine, want, need..more, more, more.

    I hear you.

    When I stopped getting a paycheck and with that, the purchase power I once possessed, was when I finally knew how to be happy. I found amazing comfort and contentment in the ordinary moments – folding laundry, making dinner. That’s the stuff.

  7. We found ourselves in an impromptu, hour-long game of family hide-and-seek Sunday, and as we lay stretched out on the trampoline afterwards, laughing and catching our breath, I thought, “Sometimes we make this parenting thing way tougher than it needs to be.” That moment was enough.

  8. A very, very good reminder to bask in the light of what we have.

  9. Beautiful, Stacia. Thank you for this reminder this very minute. Just as I clicked over from my Reader, I heard my daughter start calling for me from her nap. My first thought was, “Oh no, already?” Now I know I will greet her the way I should.

  10. [...] feel like a big gooey marshmallow sandwiched  between king-size pieces of Hershey bar. And after Monday’s reflections, they are just the simple sweetness I [...]

  11. So true, we get so rushed. I feel reminded constantly that ” these are THE moments” every single moment of every day, we should cherish. It could be our last. It’s overwhelming at times, but so, so, so worth it.
    Thank you for reminding us to slow down and just “be”
    Missi

  12. I think being a nurse and witnessing death so many times has given me the ability to appreciate these small blessings more often, but I still find myself taking them for granted. Thanks for the reminder…beautiful post, Stacia!

  13. Beautiful reminder Stacia. Everyday there are so many reminders that what we do have in our life is enough.

  14. Yeah – perspective. Lesson learned but often forgotten.


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