Hot, Cross Buns

August 26, 2010 at 6:00 am | Posted in Giggles | 28 Comments
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You know how I feel about McDonald’s.

Yet I found myself there this week, with kiddos and Purell in tow. We ate nuggets from chickens who had no doubt lived in a bad, bad neighborhood before they met their untimely end. We had chocolate milk with a dash of rBGH. And we rolled on the germ-laden floor pretending to be two dogs named Arf and Arfie.

Yo quiero Taco Bell indeed ...

Then Giggles had to pee. Lest he relieve himself in his shoe again, I whisked him away to the bathroom while a friend watched Lollipop and Bun. When we walked into the restroom — the “family-friendly” kind where you lock the door behind you — the automatic hand dryer was blowing.

Giggles freaked out. I tried to explain the noise. I tried to tell him it would go off by itself in a minute. I tried to use my soooooothing voice. Still, he freaked out.

I thought I’d distract him by getting to the business at hand. But while I was helping him onto the toilet seat, it sensed our movement and flushed itself.

Giggles freaked out. Again, I tried to explain the noise. I tried to tell him it would go off by itself in a minute. I tried to use my soooooothing voice. Still, he freaked out.

I asked if he wanted to pee in the sink instead. (Maybe you can sense my desperation.)

I hoisted him up. And as I tried to find a comfortable position for him on the edge, the water came on automatically and dripped down his back.

Giggles freaked out. You’re sensing a theme here.

He cried and begged to leave the bathroom. He said he wanted to “pee-pee at home! At home! At home!!

I cursed the automation age and carried him outside, where I hoped I could convince him to take a quick pee. But our endless days of brutal August heat had fried the grass. Giggles deemed it too crispy to squat on.

Just as I thought it was hopeless, just as I was gearing up for a shoe-pee, just as tablespoons of sweat burned my eyes, I spotted the answer. There, in the distance. Just a parking lot away.

We made a run for the border.

Taco Bell. Where they have paper towels in the bathroom. Where the toilets require you to flush them. Where the sinks have actual knobs. Or at least I prayed they would.

They did. We peed. We flushed. We Purelled our hands. For the 32nd time that day.

And as we walked back to the golden, trans-fatty arches (in dry shoes), I had a thought I’m fairly certain I believed I’d never have …

God bless Taco Bell.

They really do think outside the bun. Or, in our case, um, outside the buns.

Have you ever been thwarted by technology? Found a creative solution to a tough toddler situation? And which do you prefer, McDonald’s or Taco Bell??

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