Lie to Me

September 2, 2010 at 5:30 pm | Posted in Bun, Family, Lollipop | 33 Comments
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Going ok. Enjoy your movie!

I stepped outside a restaurant a few Friday nights ago to find a text with these five words waiting for me on my phone.

And I cheered. The four close friends with me cheered. Because I had just been cleared for a night out. With no kids.

Let’s Make a Deal
My husband and I had made a deal before I left home that evening to celebrate a friend’s birthday. I would call after dinner and make sure the house ā€” and the daddy ā€” was not exploding. If he needed a wingman, I would come home. If things were going smoothly, I would head to the movies with my friends.

The movies. With my friends. On a Friday night.

I can’t even remember the last time I strung all those phrases together.

It Is Decidedly So
But as I savored every single uninterrupted bite of my eggplant parmigiana that night, I figured the multiplex was a pipe dream. I mean, attempting to feed a reluctant and cranky Bun is enough to try even the most patient of souls. (Mine included.) Throw in two other kids and all the messes and dishes they leave in their wake. That’s parental Kryptonite, right there.

Instead, I got the text: Going ok. Enjoy your movie!

And I did. We saw Salt and debated whether secret agents would be allowed to have lips as pouty as Angelina’s. We shared orange tic tacs and lamented the price of movie theater concessions. We kept our phones on vibrate and checked periodically for paternal maydays. We had a good time. Such a good time.

Flashes, Floods, and Famine
But the thing is, it wasn’t going okay at my house. Things were exploding. Literally. Lollipop had managed to pull her nightlight out of the wall just enough to make it spark. She burned her finger and the wall outlet, and she scared herself badly. Giggles wouldn’t stop crying in his crib about something he couldn’t explain and my husband couldn’t understand. And after two ounces, Bun refused to eat.

But my husband sent the text anyway. He wanted me to go, knew I needed to go. He handled it. All of it. And did the dishes, too.

All Quiet on the Home Front
When I walked in the door, giddy from hours of grown-up conversation and clothes that didn’t smell like spit-up, it was quiet. Three children slept. There was no hint of the earlier uproar. Except I saw it in his tired eyes and the nearly full Avent bottle on the coffee table.

And as he recounted his evening, as we worried and laughed together over the never-ending craziness that comes with this parenting gig, I hope he saw something in my eyes, too.

Gratitude.

Ever been lied to ā€” in a good way? Ever been so proud of (and for) your partner? And when’s the last time you caught a movie with friends?

+++

See more reasons to be thankful at Alli’s place.

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33 Comments »

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  1. Oh, that’s wonderful, Stacia! What a great hubby! I’m glad you enjoyed your night out and that your husband managed to hold down the fort and not let you stress about it!

    I haven’t been to a non-kid movie in a long time. I guess it was last year when Michael Jackson’s *This Is It* was playing. I need to get out more!

  2. Like you, I don’t get out often but when I do my husband always tells me things are great at home when I text to check in. Maybe they always are, but with a two-year-old I doubt it. These are the things our partners tell us because they love us and know we deserve a little time for ourselves. Aren’t we lucky?

  3. Wonderful post – your husband did exactly the right thing not telling you about those little crises at home because there will always be something happening and he knew he could deal with it all. Sometimes you really do need a break.

  4. Tears in my eyes, for you, and for him. It’s such an important journey, to get out and to able to parent alone. We need to share it together – with our husbands. So I’m glad you got this night out. My husband is the same, he wouldn’t never tell me. We are lucky ladies!

  5. I went out with my sister two weeks ago for my birthday.. it was nice hadn’t been out anywhere in 2 years.
    Glad you had a great time… and even happier that you got home to sleeping children and clean dishes. Your hubbie rocks!

  6. That is SUCH the time to lie šŸ™‚

  7. What a great husband! So glad you got to have a much-deserved night out. šŸ™‚

  8. What a wonderful hubby! I have dinner plans tomorrow night — my pregnant friend’s husband organized a special girls night dinner for her. I pray for a text message like yours because I really need the night out without worrying about what’s at home. My mom always tells the good lies when she’s watching my kids, for which I am so grateful. My hubby is sometimes a good liar and sometimes a “mayday mayday” guy. To be fair though, I don’t always sugarcoat situations for him if I’m having a tough day with the kids and he calls from his job. So glad you had a great night!

  9. Stacia, unbelievable! The first thing I thought reading this is the reality of life with young kids – that an adult night out, by necessity, is solo with friends because the kids have to be watched by a parent. So no date nights – yet! Then I thought how loving that was to have everything in utter turmoil and yet not cut your night short!

  10. That was a very sweet and necessary lie because every parent deserves some adult time!

    I love your use of the Sheryl Crow song. I have always found that song to be poignant. Sometimes I just want to be lied to and I will believe because I just don’t want to think about or analyze conflict. Some lies, like the one you wrote about, are merciful.

    Joni Mitchell has a great song lyric. Maybe you know it. “Send me somebody who’s strong and somewhat sincere.” When I was young I thought that sounded cynical. Now I get it.

    I found you through Alli’n Son’s thank you journal btw. Good to meet you!

  11. Your husband rocks!

  12. Good for him. This is exactly what you would do for him so I’m glad he returns the favour. You need that space and a night of madness is good for reminding him how well you cope each and every day. x

  13. What a good man. Nothing beats knowing it’s okay to get out and enjoy yourself. Sweet relief!

  14. Good your husband, that he was able to survive an evening wearing “your shoes” and still be able to laugh about it, all while giving you such a priceless gift: you-time with friends, guilt-free. One of the best gifts any spouse can give, esp. with a house full of little kids!

    Good for you, that you were able to go! Some moms carry that “no one can do it as well as I can” feeling with them, and are unable to enjoy the break that they have been given.

    So, is Salt worth seeing?

    • You know, I don’t usually like Angelina’s movies. And even though her lips were distracting, Salt was a pretty good suspense flick, I have to say.

  15. That was supposed to say “Good FOR your husband”.

  16. Loved this post! You’ve got a truly wonderful hubby there. Good for you, too, to take up your friends’ invitation to go out. I know it isn’t always easy to peel oneself away from our families to do something for just us.

    Last time I went to the movies with a girlfriend? I am pretty sure it was 2000 – even before I was married!

    I think that when I moved overseas my mom lied to me once, saying that she was okay. I heard her voice crack, and I know, especially for her that it was hard having me so far away. I was touched that she tried to put on a strong face for me so that I could enjoy that time.

  17. Awww…tears! Bless his heart. Your guy definitely understands that this is what you go through on a daily basis, so good for him for recognizing that you need this. It’s his way of showing gratitude for all you do and really, it means more than any grandiose or romantic gestures, just to hold down the fort for the night so you are afforded a break and a breath of fresh air. So glad you had this night. Good for you too!

  18. Oh, my….this was so sweet and touching. How wonderful to be able to enjoy a night out with friends while your husband literally held down the fort. He’s such a trooper.

  19. That husband of yours is a keeper! I love that he lied to you, because he knew that you needed it more than the truth right then.

  20. Good for him – it was the perfect strategy! – and good for you for putting the worry and wonder aside to enjoy dinner and a movie. Sometimes, letting yourself enjoy the time away is just as hard as being on the front line with the crises!

  21. This has to be your husband’s favorite post (and comments) yet! šŸ™‚
    Sounds like a great evening – handled perfectly by dad.

  22. I teared up too. I think people who haven’t experienced this just will never, ever understand. So, that’s why I’m crying. Because I’ve tasted that gratitude and it has deepened my love.

    and the kids lived.

  23. That’s awesome!

  24. AWWWW so sweet!! My husband would have been calling for sure!!! maybe let me stay but I would have been getting the play by play. Glad you had a good night and a good break! šŸ™‚

  25. He’s a keeper.

  26. What a wonderful story! And this is the best possible kind of lying. (And probably good for him to get this appreciation of what your days are like – the parenting gig, as you say, is not for the faint of heart.)

    Hope it’s a fabulous weekend – for all of you – together!

  27. What a sweet husband. It is great you had a night out. Every mom needs them and then we are refreshed to tackle being the best mommy ever. I think every wife needs girl time at any point in her life…

  28. What a trooper! So glad he (and you) got through the night out. So important to do it – for both of you!

  29. Now, that’s a good man!

  30. Your husband rocks! And that lie was for a great cause.

  31. What an awesome dad and husband! It is wonderful that you were able to enjoy an evening with your friends.

  32. Nice! Where did you find a treasure like that? Mine can’t handle being in the same room with the boy for two long. Seriously. It’s a good thing he doesn’t live here!


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