Rookie RosterSeptember 27, 2010 at 6:48 am | Posted in Bun, Giggles, Lollipop | 51 Comments
Tags: Babies, Baseball, Challenges, Children, Diapers, Humor, Kids, Multitasking, Parenting
Not long ago, we took Lollipop and Giggles to their first baseball game. As I tried not to obsess about nitrates in the hot dogs, I began to realize something. Mothering and baseball, they’re not all that different.
We’ve all got years of experience — both home runs and strikeouts — to pass along to our teammates. And we’ve all made errors. Rookie mistakes. Like these.
1. It’s just a quick errand. I can leave the diaper bag at home.
No. Take it. Take. It. Explosive poops always happen, always, when you are woefully unprepared.
2. My kid slept through the night. I survived sleep deprivation!
It doesn’t end. It never ends. If your baby no longer needs to eat in the middle of the night, he will soon need to pee or get a drink of water or be comforted after a nightmare or find his other shoe for preschool tomorrow. It’s the price we pay for dimples and giggles and bear hugs. It’s worth it.
3. I’m just going to grab a clean diaper …
Leave your baby naked on the changing table and there will be pee when you return. It’s as reliable as any law of physics.
4. He ate carrots! He’ll eat them tomorrow, too.
Alas, What Will My Toddler Eat is a game with ever-changing rules. Just when you figure them out, they no longer apply. Good luck.
5. Look at this adorable outfit I found for baby’s photo shoot …
It is cute. That’s why you should absolutely, positively not put it on your child until the last possible moment. Did you get that? Last. Possible. Moment. And even still, bring an equally cute spare.
6. She wants the can of soup with noodles shaped like Disney princesses? Sure, why not?
Spontaneously buy your kid something she spots at the store, and soon, you’ll be doing it every time. Your house will runneth over with officially licensed foodstuffs, officially licensed stickers, cheap plastic, straws in every color, and junk that glitters.
7. Guess where we’re going tomorrow?!
Promise your child a playdate or a trip to the ice-cream parlor and you can guarantee someone will come down with strep or the FDA will start recalling tainted heavy cream.
8. The applesauce has stayed down. So long, stomach bug!
Applesauce is a wonder food, no doubt. But just when you think the party in your kid’s tummy is winding down, some frisky germ will break out the piñata. If you don’t believe me, just ask my couch.
9. She’s asking “why”! My child is curious about the world!
Yes, yes she is. But answer at your own risk. Because she’s also curious about how long your psyche can hold up under an intense, incessant barrage of why, why, why, why, why. She’s like a tiny CIA operative doing mind-control experiments. Don’t let the pigtails fool you.
10. They’ll never find those cookies …
Oh, but they will. They will sniff them out with the same discerning noses they turn up at broccoli. If you want any for yourself, be ever vigilant. Hide and re-hide them. Then do it again. And enjoy your cookies. But don’t crunch too loud.
What’s your biggest rookie-mom mistake? Your best mothering grand slam? What advice do you have for rookie moms at any stage of child-rearing? (I could especially use some coaching on the teen years!)