Sleep Walking

February 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm | Posted in Bun, Giggles, Lollipop | 19 Comments
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How to Get One More Hour of Sleep: 19 Easy Steps

1. Hear the baby stirring on the monitor. Tiptoe at a brisk but silent pace into his room. Give him his pacifier and nestle him back into his blankets. Return to your cozy bed.

2. Wait anxiously for two minutes. Decide that no one else is up yet. Congratulate yourself and snuggle into your pillow.

3. Ten minutes later, hear the baby drop his pacifier on the floor and scream at it. Run-tiptoe into his room and shove it back in his mouth. Go back to bed.

4. When the baby’s babbling turns into giggles and gleeful shrieks, pay him another visit. Ply him with the pacifier. Decide he might be bored with the toy selection in his crib. Dig around the room for a couple new things to keep him occupied.

5. Resettle yourself in bed. Drift off. Hear your daughter’s very loud, very squeaky closet door open. Ignore it. Also ignore her when she comes in and asks you to help her get the green dress, no the red one, no the pink one off the hanger.

6. Resolve to revisit closet-door locks when you wake up.

7. Notice a light on in the hallway. Go investigate. Wipe a nose. Wipe a bottom. Issue a reminder to flush. Wash your hands, and return to bed.

8. Wake moments later to shrieking coming from the hallway. Go investigate. Discover that the cat who is not allowed upstairs is indeed upstairs. Shoo him away, securely close the baby gate, and lie to remind your hysterically giggling daughter and son that the baby is still sleeping.

9. Hear the baby shriek. Know your cover is blown. Switch tactics.

10. Open the baby’s door, and turn on the light. Change his diaper. Invite your daughter and son in to keep him company while he plays in his crib. Get down a box of blocks and some puzzles. Slink back to bed.

11. Wake to your husband’s alarm. Punch him to remind him that it’s Saturday.

12. Feel guilty when he sleepily says the alarm was his reminder to put out the trash. Ignore your guilt as he gets up to wheel the trash can out to the curb. Burrow under the covers.

13. Feel even more guilty when he says to send your son and daughter down for breakfast. (But send the dogs down, too.)

14. Wake moments later to more shrieks from the baby. Note that the shrieks have gone from playful to cranky. Take him out of his crib and bring him to your bed. Arrange the pillows just so and snuggle him next to you.

15. Ignore his babbling commentary about your new bangs and his leg presses into your stomach. Close your eyes.

16. Decide he might like to watch some television. Remember that he’s just a baby. Open a curtain instead. Pray that the sunlight and gently swaying tree branches will keep him occupied. Close your eyes again.

17. Wake up to him pulling your bangs out hair by hair. Squeal in pain. Sigh. Look at the clock.

18. Pick up the baby. Head downstairs to make a bottle. Pat yourself on the back for squeezing in an extra hour of sleep.

19. Wait for the bottle to warm. Go through the day’s schedule in your head. Plan a nap.

How do you fit in an extra hour of sleep? Is it worth it? And does your baby comment on your hairstyle, too?

19 Comments »

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  1. Hahaha! Sorry, not laughing at your misery…commiserating slightly. I think my steps would end at Number 1 when I walk over to the baby monitor and turn it off πŸ™‚

    I’m lucky in that my daughter wakes up and talks/sings to herself in bed for a long time (we’ve hit the hour mark) without ever getting up from her big girl bed. So while she’s babbling away, we squeeze in more sleep or just take our time to drift out of slumber. I hope Baby Number 2 will afford us the same luxury. HAH! (a.k.a. yeah, right).

  2. Yes I remember those days well. They do pass…it seems like overnight you go from worrying about the baby and begging God for another hour’s sleep to jolting yourself out of bed at 9:30 praying that the kids are still in the house…or that they haven’t set up a lemonade stand without you, or praying you haven’t missed one of their bball games; and yes. My kids all played with my hair, and nostrils, and anything else that they could to passively make me pay them attention. Again, it all passes and you get a little sad when it does.

  3. An extra hour of ‘twilight sleep’ is always worth it! Whatever you have to do!!! x

  4. I think I’m with Justine and would ditch the monitor! Thanks for the laughs (sorry it was at your expense though). When you are old like me, you’ll be cursing that you can’t fall back asleep even though you have the opportunity!

  5. OMJeebus. I loved every terrible-delicious moment. And that it was 19 easy steps. 19 of them. Because something with 19 steps could be easy.

    But to answer your question — My kids sleep until 8:30 or so on weekends and the man gets up early with the school kid during the week. I get more sleep than is fair for a mom of a toddler.

  6. I’m exhausted…

  7. I have absolutely no advice on how to get that extra hour of sleep, not even witty advice . . . maybe because I am tired and mostly brain dead. My little princess wakes multiple times before I even turn in for the night, plus at least once in the middle of the night. I can’t bring myself to let her cry it out. I could turn off the monitor, but since she sleeps 15 feet from me and in the same room, it doesn’t matter . . . This too shall pass, right? And until then, we can laugh and keep trying for that extra sleep.

  8. Up, down, up, down, up, down. I am seriously impressed at your ability to get back to sleep after getting up and going down again!

    I sneak in my extra hour after Mr. X leaves for work with Rex. I *should* be walking the dog, but it’s dark and cold outside. Surely, the dog would not like that, right?

  9. I’m exhausted listening to your “extra hour of sleep!” You deserve that nap!

  10. That extra hour of sleep is never really sleep, is it? You really capture all of the effort that goes into that extra hour. Great stuff.

  11. Duuuude. I am tired just reading this.

  12. Haaaaaha πŸ™‚ Isn’t this the truth?! The things we call ‘sleep’ are so transitory when we’ve got small kids, right? But the call of beeeeeeeed is just so strong!

    And I desperately want THAT bed at the top of this post. Lovely. Serene. Calm. Ahhhhhh….

  13. I’m still planning that nap!

  14. And here I thought I was actually going to learn some tips from this post! πŸ™‚ I remember those days — and now I know (and you, too, it seems) exactly why they use sleep deprevation as a torture device.

  15. Ah, I better get used to the idea of going through this again. Love your sense of humor here!

  16. Sigh. Very early on, when Jack was colicky (so I was, too), I a took a handful of naps with him on my chest. Later, when the house was underway and there were just too many things on my while-he’s-sleeping agenda, my only naps were accidental.
    THAT was a mistake. πŸ™‚

  17. Oh man, Stacia. I feel for you. Switching time zones? That might guarantee an extra hour of sleep….

  18. Uh, this makes me so tired (and sounds so familiar)

  19. I love that moment where you’re planning for the next nap as you see the time until you are going to face the day just disintegrate. It always feels so hopeful to me. L. fell asleep in the car on the way home from dinner last night, slept in his car seat all through the night. Not me, though. Woke up at 2:30 fearful he couldn’t breathe in there and then couldn’t go back to sleep.
    Most early mornings, when I KNOW he would just snuggle up and go back to sleep if I could lay him next to me, there’s another kid in the bed with us, and we’re all foiled for any extra time. Boo.


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