Sleep WalkingFebruary 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm | Posted in Bun, Giggles, Lollipop | 19 Comments
Tags: Babies, Challenges, Humor, Kids, Motherhood, Multitasking, Parenting, Siblings, Sleep
How to Get One More Hour of Sleep: 19 Easy Steps
1. Hear the baby stirring on the monitor. Tiptoe at a brisk but silent pace into his room. Give him his pacifier and nestle him back into his blankets. Return to your cozy bed.
2. Wait anxiously for two minutes. Decide that no one else is up yet. Congratulate yourself and snuggle into your pillow.
3. Ten minutes later, hear the baby drop his pacifier on the floor and scream at it. Run-tiptoe into his room and shove it back in his mouth. Go back to bed.
4. When the baby’s babbling turns into giggles and gleeful shrieks, pay him another visit. Ply him with the pacifier. Decide he might be bored with the toy selection in his crib. Dig around the room for a couple new things to keep him occupied.
5. Resettle yourself in bed. Drift off. Hear your daughter’s very loud, very squeaky closet door open. Ignore it. Also ignore her when she comes in and asks you to help her get the green dress, no the red one, no the pink one off the hanger.
6. Resolve to revisit closet-door locks when you wake up.
7. Notice a light on in the hallway. Go investigate. Wipe a nose. Wipe a bottom. Issue a reminder to flush. Wash your hands, and return to bed.
8. Wake moments later to shrieking coming from the hallway. Go investigate. Discover that the cat who is not allowed upstairs is indeed upstairs. Shoo him away, securely close the baby gate, and
lie to remind your hysterically giggling daughter and son that the baby is still sleeping.
9. Hear the baby shriek. Know your cover is blown. Switch tactics.
10. Open the baby’s door, and turn on the light. Change his diaper. Invite your daughter and son in to keep him company while he plays in his crib. Get down a box of blocks and some puzzles. Slink back to bed.
11. Wake to your husband’s alarm. Punch him to remind him that it’s Saturday.
12. Feel guilty when he sleepily says the alarm was his reminder to put out the trash. Ignore your guilt as he gets up to wheel the trash can out to the curb. Burrow under the covers.
13. Feel even more guilty when he says to send your son and daughter down for breakfast. (But send the dogs down, too.)
14. Wake moments later to more shrieks from the baby. Note that the shrieks have gone from playful to cranky. Take him out of his crib and bring him to your bed. Arrange the pillows just so and snuggle him next to you.
15. Ignore his babbling commentary about your new bangs and his leg presses into your stomach. Close your eyes.
16. Decide he might like to watch some television. Remember that he’s just a baby. Open a curtain instead. Pray that the sunlight and gently swaying tree branches will keep him occupied. Close your eyes again.
17. Wake up to him pulling your bangs out hair by hair. Squeal in pain. Sigh. Look at the clock.
18. Pick up the baby. Head downstairs to make a bottle. Pat yourself on the back for squeezing in an extra hour of sleep.
19. Wait for the bottle to warm. Go through the day’s schedule in your head. Plan a nap.
How do you fit in an extra hour of sleep? Is it worth it? And does your baby comment on your hairstyle, too?