Must Have Been the Eggs

April 25, 2011 at 12:27 am | Posted in Bun, Lollipop | 17 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Easter weekend … time to slip on the flip-flops and get knee-deep in crinkly fake grass, discarded Cadbury wrappers, neon plastic eggs, bowls full of Paas dye, hollow chocolate bunnies, and puke. Yes, puke.

What, you just got jelly beans from your Easter Bunny? Then you didn’t learn any of these valuable lessons, did you? Consider this:

1. Vomit, when it comes from the top bunk, has a phenomenal range.

2. The tell-tale cries from upstairs will begin just as you sit down to devour the book you’ve been aching to finish.

3. You will discover that black licorice and string cheese is the grossest combination of thrown-up food ever. Ever. You will be surprised by the color. And the consistency. (Your curiosity is piqued, isn’t it?)

4. You will briefly be pleased with your ability to remember high-school math when you deduce that the amount of laundry generated by a puking spell grows exponentially, not linearly, to the number of hours the spell lasts.

5. The carpet will get puked on when the in-house carpet cleaner is out of the country. A frantic middle-of-the-night text begging him to come home and teach you to use the Little Green Machine will make him laugh but won’t help you. You will do your best and be pleased that only one or two spots are still a little crusty.

6. Wooden train tracks can be put in the washing machine. On the heavy cycle. With bleach.

7. Your daughter will get a stomach bug when she is growing her bangs out. It will be gross.

8. She will want to watch Annie in between all the vomiting and pepper you with questions about Depression-era politics, the history of orphanages, animal welfare laws, and fashion choices for redheads. You will be much too exhausted to answer any of these beyond a mumbled “Maybe we can find a book at the library.”

9. She will hit the puke bowl 8 out of 10 times. You will consider this extremely good luck.

10. You will Lysol everything that could have possibly gotten germs on it. And wash your hands 94 times. And defer food preparation for at least 48 hours. And the baby? Will still get sick.

What did the Easter Bunny bring your family? What’s the grossest puke you’ve ever cleaned up (come on, don’t be shy)? And don’t you want some Twizzlers now?

17 Comments »

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  1. Wow, sorry😦 sounds like a rough weekend. I hope today is a better day for all of you!

  2. Oh my. So, so sorry. Bright side: it’s at least a little satisfying to see what new heights of motherhood one can climb successfully, right?!

  3. Your kid eats black licorice?

    I am so sorry for the Easter barfs. Those stomach viruses are a killer.

    • Let’s just say, she used to eat black licorice. Thanks for the barfing support, Kitch.

  4. After sixteen years of being a nurse, I have cleaned up every kind of puke there is, but still had the luck of missing out on this black-licorice-string-cheese combo (thank goodness). YUCK. Green bean puke from my oldest (IN MY HAIR) was the worst for me, which promptly resulted in a trip to the salon to cut off my long blond locks. EQUALLY YUCK.

    seriously, a stomach bug on Easter is so not fair. Hope you don’t get it!

    • Many, many times I have been tempted to throw something away instead of try to clean it. I can absolutely understand just cutting your hair off, if only to get rid of the fumes! And germs are funny … We all ended up getting it, despite my diligence with the Lysol wipes. I think (I pray!) the worst is over.

  5. I’m really, really sorry. Really.

    But the story is already funny.

    That single mom thing? You’ve totally got it down.

    • I’m so thankful my dad is here helping out. We both ended up getting it, but with each of us running at about 30 percent, we were able to make it through the worst of it. If I had been by myself, I would have collapsed on the couch in a puddle of tears … okay, I might have done that anyway.

  6. Oh yuck. Not fun.
    But 8/10… that’s worth celebrating!

  7. Ick. We’re right there with you… though I’m happy to only have been puked on five times in the last 24 hours. Loads of laundry, lots of showers, no appetite.
    Good luck!

    (Funny about Annie. My big girl picked up a book about life during the civil war. Lots of questions. No energy for answers.)

  8. So sorry. If it makes you feel better, we’ve been coughing, feverish and sniffling for a week now. I understand the pain.

  9. Argh! Not quite the Easter you had in mind, I’ll bet. Still, you know what they say… better out than in! This is particularly true when thinking about chocolates and all those lollies!!! x

  10. Oh no! Poor babes. Yeah, candy aftermath is often not the best. Puke being on top of the list of things that are so not worth the joy we see on our kids’ faces as they devour their Easter haul. Sorry you (and your daughter) had a rough night.
    p.s. funny how both our post-Easter entries are about the things we learned from the holiday – complete with a list! We’re channeling the same universal energy it would seem.

    • The very idea of looking at a computer has made my already aching head want to explode, so I have avoided even opening the laptop. That’s how you know it’s bad! But I’m hoping to catch your holiday lessons in just a minute and perhaps tackle my daunting Google Reader.

  11. Oh pooh. Ummm, well at least it wasn’t that too. It wasn’t right? (Consider that thanks for your previous visual) Small mercies?

    Thinking of you my friend.

  12. Hilarious and horrible! So sorry about all the yuckiness to clean up. I’ve heard horror stories about puke coming down from the top bunk and it’s amazing ability to travel near and far. I hope all are well now.

  13. D filled up a bike carriage – one of those you pull behind the bike – with puke. Literally filled the bottom of it when we were about 10 miles from home. I was going to bike home with her still in it, but the smell made her keep throwing up… Horrible cycle. So instead I dunked her in the stream and abandoned the carriage.


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