Kids in WeddingsMay 30, 2011 at 10:10 pm | Posted in Giggles, Lollipop | 12 Comments
Tags: Children, Church, Clothes, Food, Fun, Humor, Kids, Motherhood, Sleep, Weddings
Kids in Weddings: A Primer
1. Wait until the last minute to buy the ring bearer his black dress slacks and every store in town will be out of his size. Except for the designer brand that costs at least as much as the wedding cake.
2. Take the flower girl to get her hair cut a few days before the wedding. Beam when the hair dresser remarks that God gave her the prettiest hair. Choke on your Big Gulp when the flower girl replies, “Mommy did that, not God.”
3. Remind the ring bearer over and over again to walk slowly down the aisle, and he will … until he spots his daddy sitting in the second pew. And then? He’ll practically gallop.
4. Ask the flower girl if she’s pretty and she’ll tell you she’s beautiful. Ask her if the bride is pretty and she’ll say, “A little bit.”
5. Give the ring bearer a soft pillow to carry and he will no doubt use it to nap in a pew during the priest’s monologue.
6. Impress upon the children that it’s very important they stay quiet during the ceremony. Then impress upon yourself that you will have to shush them at least 143 times.
7. Ply your flower girl and ring bearer with marshmallows and juice during the pre-wedding photos and they will have to poop. Right between the vows and the exchange of the rings.
8. Find the wedding guest with the mohawk, and his hair alone will entertain all the children for hours. If he has a chin ring? Bonus.
9. Tell the flower girl she can have a piece of cake. Prepare to be slightly mortified when she comes back with her finger dyed blue from swiping it through the icing … on the uncut groom’s cake.
10. When the children ask why the bride has a bracelet on her thigh, say she must have gotten confused. Then distract them with mints and Play-Doh.
Have your children ever been in a wedding? Did they make it down the aisle? Did they make you laugh? Cry? Choke??