Kids in Weddings

May 30, 2011 at 10:10 pm | Posted in Giggles, Lollipop | 12 Comments
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Kids in Weddings: A Primer

1. Wait until the last minute to buy the ring bearer his black dress slacks and every store in town will be out of his size. Except for the designer brand that costs at least as much as the wedding cake.

2. Take the flower girl to get her hair cut a few days before the wedding. Beam when the hair dresser remarks that God gave her the prettiest hair. Choke on your Big Gulp when the flower girl replies, “Mommy did that, not God.”

3. Remind the ring bearer over and over again to walk slowly down the aisle, and he will … until he spots his daddy sitting in the second pew. And then? He’ll practically gallop.

4. Ask the flower girl if she’s pretty and she’ll tell you she’s beautiful. Ask her if the bride is pretty and she’ll say, “A little bit.”

5. Give the ring bearer a soft pillow to carry and he will no doubt use it to nap in a pew during the priest’s monologue.

6. Impress upon the children that it’s very important they stay quiet during the ceremony. Then impress upon yourself that you will have to shush them at least 143 times.

7. Ply your flower girl and ring bearer with marshmallows and juice during the pre-wedding photos and they will have to poop. Right between the vows and the exchange of the rings.

8. Find the wedding guest with the mohawk, and his hair alone will entertain all the children for hours. If he has a chin ring? Bonus.

9. Tell the flower girl she can have a piece of cake. Prepare to be slightly mortified when she comes back with her finger dyed blue from swiping it through the icing … on the uncut groom’s cake.

10. When the children ask why the bride has a bracelet on her thigh, say she must have gotten confused. Then distract them with mints and Play-Doh.

Have your children ever been in a wedding? Did they make it down the aisle? Did they make you laugh? Cry? Choke??

12 Comments »

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  1. My eldest (now 7) was a flower girl at our wedding. She was not walking – she was a bum shuffler – but our wedding day was the day she chose to walk for the very first time. So her first steps were captured by every one!

  2. Oh my goodness, hilarious post! I am going to be a bridesmaid in about a year and my son is supposed to be the ring bearer. Do you think a year is enough time to prepare? Maybe I should print this and save it…😉

  3. This brought a smile to my face this morning. Especially like #7. Their bowel timing is impeccable.

  4. This is hilarious!

  5. Flora will be in her first wedding this October. I have my fingers crossed.

  6. “Mommy did that, not God.” AW! I would have lost it right there🙂 My little man is not old enough for a wedding yet, but I was a flower girl and my parents have told me over and over that I got to the end of the aisle and tripped going up a few stairs, so I started crying and ran over to the groomsmen where my dad was standing up. I refused to go stand by the bridesmaids after🙂

  7. My little flower girl (then 3) barely made it down the aisle. I made a fool of myself, waving wildly to get her to come the right way. It was outside, and her grandma was playing violin at the back of the seating area. Why go where all the strangers are if you can just go to grandma???

    Oh, and she insisted on sparkly silver shoes which mortified me until I saw all the bridesmaids wore silver shoes.

    She loved her basket of petals, but looked at he huge eyesd after – I forgot to throw the petals!

    And the real kicker? She had the stuffed cat that she wouldn’t part with, so it was dragged down the aisle on a string.

  8. Ack! This is a cautionary tale with perfect timing. My boys are co-ring bearers in my sister-in-law’s wedding in less than two weeks and I haven’t yet thought through all of the inevitable mini-dramas that will occur. (I’d put the odds at one of them collapsing in tears once they see the assembled crowd to be about 50/50.)

  9. My oldest was ring bearer at my sister’s wedding. He did a great job, except for touching the cake and toppling the bride and groom figurines from their pretty little perch.

  10. Hilarious! Do they realize how many years they take off of our lives when they do this kind of thing to us? And the bracelet on the thigh was cracking me up. Love it.

  11. Having proudly delivered a ring-bearer of my own, I can wholly identify. However, this was good for a few new giggles, particularly the nap on the pillow!

  12. Patrick was 2-1/2 when he was a ring bearer in my sister’s wedding. He sprinted down the aisle like a horse out of the gates. We actually have a photo of him where the background is all blurry. After he sat down in the pew, he decided his feet were too hot, so he took his shoes and socks off, turned around and rested his feet up on top of the back of the pew. Someone else has that photo, which I am still trying to get my hands on. He had a blast, though!


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