Under the Influence

August 24, 2011 at 11:09 am | Posted in Family, Me, Transylvania | 34 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So. Guess where I’ve been?

There’s no real nonchalant way to answer, so I’ll just put it out there. Ready?

Before.

I’ve been to Tuscany. Where I crashed my Vespa, broke my leg, had surgery, spent eight days in the hospital, acquired 32 staples and lots of titanium, and only yesterday made it back to Romania. After 10 hours of travel that included taxis, trains, planes, stairs, lots of hobbling, and scarce resources for the gimpy.

But I’m home. I’m with my children again. I’m resting on my own pillows in my own bed. And I’ve longed for those simple amenities all week long.

I’m still sorting through this latest surreal “adventure” and trying to figure out what I want to write about it. I’m sure the words will come. But for now?

I’ll take my regularly scheduled dose of codeine, wimp out and make my husband give me my blood-thinner injection, and leave you with this: a list of Facebook updates I concocted lying in a Florence hospital room hopped up on morphine.

After.

And since the drugs were prescribed? I can’t be held responsible for what I came up with:

If you haven’t had your pants cut off by a hot Italian paramedic, you really ought to try it.

I’m trapped in a room with four other women, and none of us can pee on our own. It’s like a really, really bad slumber party.

No, I would not like the high-fiber meal, thank you very much. I know what you’re up to, and neither of us is going to like it.

I wonder if there will be prizes for highest bedpan volume and most accurate aim.

Come on, Italy. You make the world’s best pasta and this is what you come up with for your infirm?

My titanium souvenir.

Helpful tip from the Americana in the room: Yelling at me doesn’t make me understand your Italian any better.

Is that my knee down there or a pot roast?

The patient next to me and I have something in common: no tan lines. The only difference? She sunbathes.

Morphine: It’s gelato in an IV.

Have you ever spent time in a foreign hospital? Ever tried to distract yourself from pain with mental games like these? Ever had gelato … or morphine?

34 Comments »

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  1. oh my goodness!

  2. Damn you, Vespa! Glad to hear you’re on the mend.

  3. Oh, HONEY! I had no idea…this is the worst souvenir ever!

    But what an adventure. And what wonderful Facebook statuses…I want a hot Italian paramedic right now!

    I feel just awful for you; making a go of it in a foreign country is bad enough; trying to do so with a gimpy leg can NOT be fun at all. BIG SIGH on your behalf.

  4. Oh my word! I’m sorry this happened but it makes for a hilarious story I mean it’s not suppose to be funny everything that took place but I laughed the whole way through this! I guess life is really 10% what happens and 90% of how you’ll react to it! Get better girlie! Thanks for the update!

  5. Oh no! So glad you’ll be okay and that you managed to find a little humor to get yourself through it. Best wishes for a speedy recovery! (“It’s like a really, really bad slumber party” made me crack up laughing.)

  6. Holy mother, that is a huge cast! I am so sorry! I’m glad you are back with your family, sense of humor (if not leg) intact.

  7. {sigh} Oh Stacia. I’m glad you’re back with your kiddos and your bed and your pillows. Stupid Vespa.

  8. Wow. So glad you are back “home.” Loved the slumber party one.πŸ™‚

  9. I knew something was up, but didn’t realize it was this crazy! A vespa? A broken leg? A surgery? Ay, ay, ay! Thank goodness you are back amongst your kiddos and your pillows.

    Those updates? Hilarious.

  10. Your own bed! Hooray. And good meds – yes. As for the rest… I’m glad you’re mending.

  11. Oh wow….
    Not being your facebook friend, I heard from a fellow tweeter, but still WOW!
    I am glad you are back with your family now. I hope that you are being well taken care of.

  12. I’m sure you were fascinated by the state of the Italian healthcare system – including hot Italian paramedics – but did you have to go to such extremes to do your research?

    (Glad you are home, in your own bed with access to a real live toilet and no one shouting at you in Italian. Heal fast.)

  13. Oh my!!! no more driving for you! did someone take your “beginner” sticker away? And if this is what you look like what does the other car/s/people look like? heal quickly. ouch!

    • I managed to crash all by myself going pretty slowly on a low-traffic country road. I blame the pothole, and it probably blames me. But, my injuries would no doubt have been much worse in the city proper. One small blessing!

  14. Yikes! I have never and never and why, yes, I love gelato. I cannot believe all the stories you’ll have from this year! And I’m glad you’re okay-okay, but damn that’s one mother of a cast!

  15. Poor Stacia! I’ve been looking forward to this post, to hear in your words how this experience has been. Rooming with 4 other women? Yuck. And that cast…. how in the world will you manage the 3 kiddos? Is this going to turn into a year abroad for your families, too?πŸ™‚

  16. But you did not injure your sense of humor — thank goodness for that!

  17. Whoa! Glad everything worked out and that you’re now back home with your family.

    I also like mep’s comment. That, too.πŸ™‚

  18. WTF! Thank god you’re okay, Stacia!! Don’t leave the safety of Romania again. (Can’t believe I just said that!) x

  19. Oh wow! So glad you’re okay. And with hot paramedic stories to tell as well. The lengths some people will go to for a blog post…

  20. Holy cats! And dogs, just for good measure.

    Those were great Facebook updates. You’re funny when you’re on drugs.

    Wait, that came out wrong.

    I would offer to mail you something — anything! — to help. Do you need anything? Do you have people to help you? Your post on getting the mail has me wary of the offer.

    GAH! Get better! Rest! Heal! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  21. Oh no!!!!! I’m so sorry!!! Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery.

  22. Stacia, I am so sorry😦
    I hope you feel better soon. xo.

  23. Oh that totally sucks! Italy is supposed to be full of beauty and romance and stuff like that. Not hospitals. Yuck. Never been through anything like that in the US much less in a foreign country. Glad you made it back to Romania safe and sound. Get well soon.

  24. Glad that you at least still had (and continue to have) your wonderful, perky sense of humor about you. I suppose you have to considering all that you went through.

    Hope you kick ass recovering – with a bionic leg, I have no doubt you would!

    Hugs my friend.

  25. Wishing you a speedy recovery. With your great sense of humor, I am certain it will be soon. xoxo

  26. Oh NO!!! I am so glad it’s just your leg and not your neck or back or HEAD! SEE?!? This is what happens when you go around the world on “adventures.”

    I jest. I am SO SORRY you got so hurt but really am glad that you will heal.

    What an interesting twist to the Romanian adventure…

    Take care.

  27. Love the humor in your blog. Not to try to trump you, but I had a life threatening heart attack in Bucharest, Romania 2010…you have no idea. Good news, my EMT physician was also very hot!πŸ™‚ Wishing you a speedy recovery. –shari

  28. Oh, Stacia. And I had heard such wonderful things about Tuscan vacations. I’m so sorry. Hope you’re on the mend!

  29. WOW how did I miss this post…. hope you are healing well though.
    A stay in the hospital sucks. I spent a week in one in July. Not fun and sponge bathes also not fun! LOL
    heal well

  30. […] doctor’s report sounded eerily familiar. Broken. Surgery. Pins. […]

  31. […] the first broken bone and the second, the near-constant deciphering of bus and tram and metro routes, and the voluminous […]

  32. […] not just on our bizarre medical history from the last year, but on our Romanian […]

  33. […] Fancy bottle of sunscreen from infamous weekend in Florence […]


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