Night Light

October 3, 2011 at 10:07 am | Posted in Bun, Giggles, Lollipop, Transylvania | 12 Comments
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The nights are the hardest.

I lie down. I sit up. I rearrange my six pillows and two blankets. I tighten my brace and loosen it. I listen to the Golden Retriever next door and watch headlights shine right through the thin, beige curtain. I turn on the fan; I turn off the fan; I turn on the fan.

I just can’t sleep.

Bun exhales sweetly and shifts in his crib in the corner. He tucks his knees to his chest and sticks his diapered-and-jammied bottom in the air like a baby-powdered mushroom cap. I think of this afternoon, when he stalked Legos and made motorboat noises and stole crackers from my bowl. In my mind, I see him shaking his blond curls and lumbering off to drag a chair across the kitchen floor.

I remember Lollipop asking me what thirty-ten plus eight is and how babies and food can all fit in a tummy. Then she brought me her new doll and told me to make a wish in its tiny, plastic ear. When I said I wished for a hug, she was both surprised and pleased, leaning in so close that I noticed a magenta marker stain on her eyebrow.

I remember Giggles putting his shoes away after school, sand leaking from all four Velcro straps and both socks. He showed me his blue pencil case full of rocks and then reached into his jeans pocket to carefully extract three new ones, plus a stick and a dandelion. “The flower is for you,” he said, “because yellow is your favorite.”

In the dark, I think of them, all three of them, tucked into their beds with a bunny, a mouse, and a bear. Legs and arms and blankets splayed across cool sheets. Dreaming of swing sets and dessert. I sigh, smile, sigh, and adjust my six pillows and two blankets. I turn the fan off, then on again.

I don’t sleep.

But I have sweet dreams anyway.

How have your children made you smile today? What do you do when you can’t sleep? And what color marker stains have you found lately?


Fluffy Bunnies in Romania:
Read the tales
See the photos.



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  1. I make meal plans, or organize my scrapbook room (in my head), or finally give up and grab a book and read til my eyes won’t stay open any longer. I don’t often have insomnia, though, since I often live in a sleep-deprived, night-shift-working state, and when my head hits the pillow, I’m usually out in 30 seconds or less.

    I love the description of your “sweet dreams”, though. Your kids sound simply adorable!

    How much longer do you have to wear the brace? Is there such a thing as physical therapy in Romania, and have you started it yet? Do they celebrate Halloween there? Wonder how many vampires you could count…

  2. Awww, this touched my heart. My babies are all grown up now, with their own little ones. It happens so fast….
    Enjoy your dreams. As for the other, a year from now you’ll smile at the memories..

  3. My son slapped me on the back…multiple times. And I smiled as he did it. Because he was paying attention to me. He’s almost 15 and the attention is getting thin. So now I like any of it. He’s tall and good looking.

    I love my kids so dearly.

    I’m blowing you some cool air. I hope it’s not swallowed in the ocean.

  4. Tonight, I’ll turn my wandering thoughts in this lovely direction. And hope for sleep for both of us.

  5. I love that “butt in the air” pose when babies sleep. Michael sleeps on his side, which is so odd! Anyway, I try to read or make a list if I can’t sleep. It helps settle the racing head. *hugs*

  6. Awww… so sweet Stacia (though I wish you were getting more sleep).
    Munchie made me smile this morning as I cuddled up to her to wake her for school. She said sleepily – “Mommy, you give the best morning cuddles” (yay!) “but Daddy gives the best bedtime cuddles.” (okay, now I’m kinda annoyed so I asked why.) “because when you put me to bed, we end up giggling until our tummies hurt, but when daddy does it he gets so cuddled up to me that he just falls asleep.”

    So I win. 🙂

  7. I read blogs or watch infomercials. I can usually fall asleep if I’ll just lay down; however, I rarely feel tired until I actually get into bed and turn off the tv and just lay in the quiet.

    Love your memory-pictures. They conjured up me asking aloud today, “I wish I had a daughter who liked to hug her mama,” and Bella came barreling toward me with arms outstretched. And Javi took me on a date to Chick-Fil-A — knocked on the door to ask for me and everything. The sweetest of my dreams, they are.

  8. My heart just swelled. This is absolutely gorgeous.

  9. What beautiful, pleasant dreams.

  10. My son made me smile by facing a shot with only a, “Hurt, mama” at the doctor’s today. I also laughed when he kept grabbing my hand and saying, “Mama, go back home.” Only a few days into two and he’s already taken a firm stance on doctors!

    I’ve had a hard time sleeping the last week or so. Usually what helps me get to sleep these days? The show Wilfred. I can’t explain it, but it hits the spot.

  11. This is so so sweet! Even picturing the diapered bum in the air (my youngest sleeps like that).

  12. I love the imagery you create. Beautiful writing. The diapered bum is my favorite.

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